Rekindling a Flame
Images Courtesy of Jimmy Turrell via New Times
To do list: A threesome, a love affair with me, myself and I by Shantee Gordon
On December 29th 2008 I sat on my living room floor pen in hand and ready to jot down all the things I resolve to do for the coming New Year. “To Do’s” appeared as my pen glided across the paper. After, I reached my last thought I realized that there was one thing I had forgotten to include.
I paused as feelings of guilt filled my head and for a moment thought I was being selfish for wanting to add this last to do. My mind went back to how I was feeling a few days before,
where I woke up with an itch that could not be easily scratched. I was feeling like that Spike Lee flick “She’s Got to Have It.” I realized then that I was missing that “something” in my life. The urge was even more unbearable as I sat there with pen in hand battling myself about simply writing it down as a “must do”. So with both middle fingers raised high and without inhibition I wrote: “must have threesome!”
Six months later and now the “threesome” has been crossed of my list – I have managed to follow through with it. All day, all night any and everywhere became my motto. I did away with any doubt and reservation I had and started an ongoing love affair with me, myself, and I. Who better to have a threesome with than me, me, and me? For the first time I realized that in order to make everything else on my list prosper/manifest i.e. Family, finances, love, etc I must work on being the best ME I can be.
This requires pampering on mind, spirit, body, freely wholly and without judgment. I bet you are thinking that this is easier said than done. You say to yourself: I have to work to do, I have to tend to my children or I have to tend to a significant other. As a working mother of two, I too must admit that it is at times hard to pamper myself. But, once I accepted that I deserved to have a sound mind and happiness for the well being of my children it became easier to have a love affair with myself.
I had to change my thoughts and do away with an old mindset that a woman is expected to be altruistic once she has a family; I had to stop believing that my dreams and wants had to fall by the wayside while I maintain the well being of my family. I now recognize that I have to find a balance between nurturing the family and myself.
I am working to achieve this balance by engaging in the following:
-I first stopped feeling guilty about wanting have my needs met.
-I now make it a point to get up every morning and thank God for another day of life and for the temple in which houses my spirit. I also ask that the beauty of my spirit is reflected in the place it dwells.
-I get up an hour early than I’m supposed and spend time doing something I enjoy i.e. exercise or meditation. Or save an hour after everyone is asleep for some me time.
-I list two things I want to accomplish before the month is out and tackle it.
-Continue to make it a point to always keep myself up i.e. waxing areas that need to be waxed and having my hair done. This doesn’t mean run way ready but if your hair is in a pony tail. Let all lookers say damn that’s a mean ponytail she’s rocking.
-I had to be very transparent about what was going on in my life and own my feelings.
-Lastly but not least, purchasing fresh flowers for my living room and desk area at work. They tend to brighten the day.
For me , the key was to center myself and find a way to balance my home, work, and me time. You will see that once you are able to carve out time in your schedule for time for yourself, every other area of your life will benefit from a happier you.